High School Yearbook Photo

"More than a place, the Shady Dell was and will forever remain a state of mind." - Shady Del Knight

"More than a place, the Shady Dell was and will forever remain a state of mind." - Shady Del Knight

Monday, July 27, 2015

Guest Post: Words Are Power

Tom Anderson back with you today on a very special occasion. I am kicking off the 8th year of Shady Dell Music & Memories with a guest post.  I am proud to introduce my dear friend Jane Goltz, better known
in the blogging community as Janie Junebug, host of WOMEN: WE SHALL OVERCOME. Please give Janie a warm welcome, dear friends!

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Thank you, Shady Del Knight, for allowing me to
write this guest post. Shady’s recent reports on
The Action Kids, young dancers on Dick Clark's
show Where The Action Is, taught me some TV
history. The show was on weekday afternoons
for two years during the sixties. You can read
the posts HERE, HERE, and HERE.

It was the third part of the story that moved me to
ask Shady if he would accept a guest post from me.
In case you don’t have time to read the third post,
allow me to recap: One of the most popular of
The Action Kids was Jerilyn Stapleton, a
diminutive darling. No one knew that
by the time Jerilyn was nineteen she had
been a victim of four types of violence/abuse,
as Shady wrote. Later, Jerilyn spoke out about
her experiences and became a leader in
organizations that try to stop violence
and promote the equality of women.

Here's Jerilyn during her
successful years as a dancer:

Then I read the comments and felt
moved by Kathryn Anderson’s words:

Two things struck me when I read this story—and listened to the additional stories and interviews Shady researched while doing
this piece –

This is a truly great story of how an individual can overcome any adversity. We should all take a lesson from Jerilyn. Stop your constant complaining. Stop focusing so much energy on your
“woe is me” tale and turn your attention to the trials and tribulations of the other people in this world. By helping them, you help yourself. Everywhere in the world, there are greater and lesser people than you. By helping those with less, you gain in stature and your personal problems become smaller. Somewhere along the line I have heard it said that the only true moral society is one that takes care of the members at the fringe.

Additionally, I applaud the efforts Jerilyn and others have made to create an environment in which women have equal stature and respect in our society. I was coming of age when the 60’s were in full swing. Like Jeri—I did not buy into the female as bimbo eye candy/ chief cook and bottle washer. Thankfully I had a father who encouraged me to take my proper place in the world based on my intelligence and my drive to succeed. Thank GOD we have come to the point in our world when females such as Hillary Clinton can emerge as leaders and the presidency has become an option within reach.

But the battle isn’t won. There are still skirmishes being fought all over the globe and there are many here in America who would love to take away our well won victory and turn back the clock to our time of repression. For the benefit of our daughters and our granddaughters, we can NEVER NEVER allow this to happen. We must be at the ready to strike down the “right to lifers” and the super-conservatives, the bible thumping religious righters wherever and whenever we find them.

My hat is off to you Jerilyn. You are a woman of substance and a
true role model for us all.

Kathryn, you might as well have been speaking
directly to me. I spent years believing I was trapped
in an abusive marriage. I thought couldn’t leave
because I had nowhere to go and couldn’t
support myself. But how did I get there?

Although I take responsibility for my failure to
finish college when I was young (I graduated from
high school in 1978 and didn’t get my BA until 1998),
I had help in entering a “traditional” marriage.
My mother told me I would never be able to
hold down a job. “If something goes wrong,”
she said, “you’ll fall apart.” My mother
told me that the only way I’d ever have
money would be if I married someone
who could earn it. Within a few days
of my marriage, when my ex-husband
expressed anger toward me in front of
my mother, she said, “You’d better
watch out, or that nice boy
will divorce you.”

Well, guess what! That nice boy shoved me around,
belittled me, didn’t keep his promise that I would
get to finish college as soon as he had, cheated
on me, gambled away money that we needed
for our children, and finally became so powerful
that he punched me—more than once. And I took it.

It might seem as if I blame my mother for my
troubles, but that’s not really my point. It’s that
my mother grew up in a different time, the time
of repression to which the far right wants us to
return. My mother didn’t move forward with
the times. She turned back the clock in my
head. I might as well have married in
1950 instead of 1979.

The feminist movement was in full swing,
and there I was, cleaning the house and
promoting my ex-husband’s career.
I believed I had no choices. I had
no right to my Self.

I didn’t reach out for help until I told someone
about my problematic marriage, and the person
attacked me physically and verbally for complaining.

Fortunately, that incident helped lead to my divorce.
I was so depressed that at times I felt I couldn’t
even walk. I crept around the house, a baby
whose life was in someone else’s control.
Although I received treatment for
depression and anxiety, it was
the words of my doctor that
started the change in my life. *

“My husband is divorcing me,” I cried.
“He says he’ll support me for one year.
I won’t have anywhere to go after that.”
“No, Janie,” the doctor replied. “You will get
lawyer and your husband will be required
to provide for your support because you
gave up your career in order to support
him. He will support you far longer
than one year.”

And here I am, with almost five years
of flying solo under my belt.

I've made some great friends along the way,
and even "adopted" some younger women
so I can be a mentor.

I met these women when I started my blog,
But it began as a “woe is me” blog. I felt
so sorry for myself. I went from my
parents' home to my husband's
home. I had never lived alone.

As the blog gained followers, I realized I could
use my words to affect the lives of others.
I wrote about my depression and getting
out of a bad marriage, and many
followers let me know that they
cared about me. Quite a few
shared that they suffered from
depression. We shared our stories.
We shared our coping mechanisms.
I learned I am definitely not the
only divorced woman in the U.S.

And that’s because WORDS ARE POWER.
Conservatives will not take away my freedom
of speech, nor my freedom to write.

Although I still have days when I report
in a post  that I feel down, those days
are much fewer and far between.

In a wilting economy, when I couldn’t find a
permanent job, my blog led me to start my
& EDITING. I am so proud when I open a
new book, and it says Edited by Janie Goltz.

With every year I’m away from my ex-husband,
I am a happier person. I am an independent person.
I am a woman who lives in her own house
with her best buddy.

I am woman, hear me roar.

* Please note that depression is real and being
 told to “snap out of it” is not a cure. Some people
are so severely depressed that they cannot face
the world. They need treatment. I continue to
see a psychiatrist because she helps me
continue to move into a happier future.


  1. Kathryn AndersonJuly 27, 2015 at 2:32 AM


    Yours is an inspiring story. Unfortunately, the same story can be told for many women around the country and globe. In fact, I found myself in a similar situation in my first marriage. In my case, my parents did NOT want me to get married. They wanted me to pursue a college education and a career. I chose not to listen, thereby making the biggest mistake of my life.

    I think most men don’t understand a militant feminist. They don’t understand because they have never lived through the powerlessness-the mental and physical abuse still being fostered by our society. Although most men would not blatantly abuse their wives, girlfriends and daughters, they don’t pick up on the subtle verbiage, the body language and the pictorial imaging that strives to “keep women in their place”.

    So, no, the fight that started in Seneca Falls on July 19th and 20th in 1848 is not over. We are challenged daily by the repressive right wingers—especially the religious right. We are challenged daily by Hollywood and Madison Avenue (rhetorically speaking of advertising for those of you not among the Pepsi generation).

    Our hold on our rights is tenuous. We must be ever vigilant and carry on through our daughters and granddaughters. Teach them to be self-reliant and strong. Teach them to be a self before becoming the selfless house-frau and wife. (For the record: I’m not staying there is anything wrong with being a stay at home mom and a house wife-but it should be a free choice and not a requirement.)

    We have drawn a line in the sand. We may no longer need to defend it 24/7, but we need to remain aware of exactly where that line is drawn. Do not let them cross over.

    Kathryn Anderson

    1. We have to continue the fight so we don't return to "a woman should be barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen." You are correct in stating that our hold on our rights is tenuous. Look at the recent attacks on Planned Parenthood. Some group always has a reason to go after Planned Parenthood, and they don't care whether the reason is real. They don't want women to have control over their own bodies. I've always said that a man can make decisions about birth control and abortion on the day he gets pregnant and gives birth.

  2. Kathleen Mae SchneiderJuly 27, 2015 at 7:11 AM

    Dear Jane,

    First off, let me express both sadness and congratulations on hearing your story. I'm so sorry you had such a rocky and painful marriage and life early on, but I heartily applaud your efforts to rise above all of the abuse and be where you are today - triumphant and growing in confidence - on your own merits, not that of any man.

    A story about my grandmother, Allie Brown, who was the Shady Dell's first wife and mother, comes to mind here. I was planning to have this be a part of a future chapter of my series, In-Dell-ible Memories, but it seems fitting to tell it here.

    Several years after the Dell property was lost to bankruptcy and my grandfather died, Allie supported herself in the only truly acceptable way for a woman back then (mid-1920's) - she "kept house" for a man who had lost his wife.

    Now my mother (who was a teenager at the time, living with an older brother and his wife and working full time) told me that she heard this man beat Allie, but she didn't know anything more about it. She did know for sure that her mother never married him.

    Well, several years ago, while searching through a box of letters and clippings, I found a tiny newspaper article carefully preserved in a separate envelope. The title read, "Man looking for his wife".

    In the few lines that followed, it said the man claimed that his "wife", Allie Brown, was missing from "their" home. When he returned from work, his dinner was kept warm on the stove, and there was a note close-by that simply said, "Gone for good".

    Now I could write enough about your post to make this comment a three or four-parter, and I plan on responding to the many issues it raises later.

    But for now, I just think the above true story illustrates several things about abuse and it's antithesis.

    The times and her particular circumstances forced my grandmother to enter a relationship that supported her and her one remaining young child (who by the way at the time of the article had just died in a terrrible accident), but she had to "sell her soul" and quite possibly her body, to survive.

    When I first read the final line of that article and now, upon reading your post, I am so proud of that strong woman whose genes I carry, and of you for your remarkable strength against terrible odds.

    I'll never know the details of her, or your, harsh environment or see the bruises and welts, but I don't have to, do I? I just know that the brittle yellowed-by-time article proves that when she had had enough of it, Allie, like you and countless other women down through time, picked herself up, dusted herself off, and raised her head in dignity - while escaping to freedom.

    I can almost see her smiling as she travelled a long distance to another part of the state, thinking about her fine supper on the stove - the last kindness her abuser would ever get from her. She not only survived, she prevailed.

    Thank you for sharing your story, and for inspiring all people, women and men alike, who suffer from abuse at the hands of those who once vowed to love and cherish them. They too can survive because your words certainly do have the power to change their lives.

    1. Unfortunately Kathleen, I think many women in those days suffered through similar--if not identical--situations. It's a shame. And there are many people in the world today who would like nothing more than a return to the same culture.

      That's why I say we must continue to push forward and keep our line in the sand.

    2. What a sad and fascinating incident. I hope she found a place where she was safe and well employed. My mother once drew a family tree at my request. She pointed to the name of one woman and said, She ran away with the milkman and no one ever spoke to her again.

      There must have been a reason that this woman took off, but all those family members who never spoke to her again probably didn't care about her reason for leaving.

  3. Kathleen Mae SchneiderJuly 27, 2015 at 7:18 AM

    P.S. I need to make a correction to my comment, Jane. In the newspaper article, my grandmother was simply referred to as "Allie", her last name wasn't given. I do know for sure that it was her however, because the name and address of the man looking for her is documented in other places as her employer.

    1. So, most likely, he never bothered to marry her, but called her his wife, as if he owned her. It's probably a blessing that they didn't marry.

  4. Hi JJ,
    I am a stay at home mom/house wife of my choosing. But, I know the hardships of women in business still exist. My sister (who's owns a Marketing biz for over 20 yrs) still finds it very tough in , as she calls it, "the good ole boys/man's world". For years she has struggled to keep her head above water but has prevailed and to this day, thriving! She preached to her daughters early on to study hard and find a career for independence. I really never listened to her (wished I had) but her younger generation did in fact, her daughters received their degree and work for her now!
    Abuse, well that's another subject, luckily me and my immediate family hasn't had to deal with that!
    I'm very proud of you for overcoming your mother's (and mine)generation and becoming a "self made woman.
    Makes me want to break out in an old song anthem by Destiny's Child , "Independent Woman". Throw your hands up at me (you)!
    Toni Deroche

    1. I think staying at home is great as long as it is what you want. I knew that people in my ex-husband's world looked down on me for staying at home with my children. It was embarrassing, and not what I really wanted. If I had made the choice on my own, I don't think I would have felt humiliated by those people.

  5. Thank you for sharing your story Janie. You are an inspiration to us all. You are a wonderful person and I am sorry you had to endure such hardship. You are an amazing woman, never doubt that.

    1. Murees, you are a great woman. You have a bright future with your writing. Thank you for your kind comment.

  6. Janie, Such a great inspiring post. So proud of you for finding your strength and getting out. Like they say, better late than never. You got out when it was meant to be and look at you now. I hate stories like that but unfortunately they are so many peoples story. I have countless friends and family that were abused or mistreated by their spouse, parent , etc. Its so sad and its got to end! Thank you for this guest post.

    1. You're welcome, holli, and I thank you for your intelligent comment. Men do not own us.

  7. I might have to check out Janie's blog for some encouragement!

    Thank you Janie for sharing your stories with us!

  8. Such a thoughtful and well- written post. I love this blogger and always enjoy her writing.

    1. Thank you. It's me, Stephen. I'm responding to the comments because Shady is a very busy man.

  9. Janie, I'm so glad I know you. Thanks to Shady, too, for hosting you today.

    1. Thank you. I'm glad I know you, too. I especially enjoy The Cephalopod Coffeehouse.

  10. You are a very strong lady in case you don't realize this. It take strength to endure the abuse and it takes strength to find the courage to face the abuser and walk away. You wrote this wonderfully and how sweet for Shady to lend you his support through his blog. I am certain there are days where you don't feel very strong but you give strength to many women...and some men, who need to read these words. You can truly relate to other people who have experienced this abuse. My grandmother died in 1919 from childbirth so this is going back decades, but when her daughter came home crying about being abused by her husband, my grandmother took the broom and chased her out. She told her she made her bed. It makes me shake my head but it was the sign of the times and how women were conditioned to be treated in such a demeaning manner. Now look where you are and how happy at what you have made out of your life. I congratulate you and am humbled by your graciousness

    1. Birgit, you are so kind. I have heard about other women whose families told them, Too bad. You married him.

      I didn't tell my family. Besides, my parents passed away a long time ago.


  11. I am one of the younger women that Janie has adopted and I couldn't be more honored.

    I love my mom very much and I am very close to her, but Janie has taught me things and helped me understand things that has saved my sanity. Nobody really understands depression or abuse until they have lived it, but I wouldn't wish that on my worse enemy.

    Janie proves that not only can you save yourself, but you can save so many people that you had no idea needed you.

    I love you very much, blog mommy. <3

    1. I love you, blog child. Thank you for such a sweet comment.

  12. What a truly lovely and deeply inspiring post. I have been moved by both of the stories so recently presented here and it raises a very good topic of discussion about both women and depression so interesting to read in the comments, as well as touching to some near and dear topics to my heart.
    Janie, you're a strong woman and though you may not be comfortable with praise, you deserve it. Letting oneself slip into the martyr seat, the woe is me attitude, the sadness, is an easy thing to do. But with the help of treatments, close friends and family and prayers, we can become the women we were meant to be and not defined by carless individuals who've never had our best interests in mind.
    Thanks again you two!

    1. I appreciate Shady's support and his friendship. He's very sensitive about women's needs. Thank you for such a nice comment.

  13. Dearest Shady, I know that you are busy entertaining some guests and won't be back for a bit, but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you, and that I have posted two special Just for Laughs Gags videos on my Monday and Tuesday posts...they are not actually gags, but they are done by the Just for Laughs Gags crew, which will give you an opportunity to meet them and hear their voices. Thank you so much, dear Shady, and I hope you are enjoying your time. :)

  14. This is such a profound and poignant post! Janie, I can SO relate to this post, because I have struggled with depression for years! And yes, it is not something that one can "snap out of", it is very real and the worst part of it is suicide, such as what happened to Robin Williams.

    Thank you so much for sharing this post, and you are a strong and amazing woman!

    1. I was very sad when I learned Robin Williams had died, and even more sad when I learned the reason. When some people said they thought he was selfish, others spoke up to explain that he probably believed he would be a burden to others. He most likely thought he was helping them by removing himself by the world. Thank you for such a supportive comment.

  15. Everyone has a story and some are too painful to share. I'm glad you are able to share yours. No matter the challenge, there's a way to come through it, but not necessarily without scars. Just moving forward is a struggle. Depression is nothing to belittle.

    You're a lovely friend to dear Shady! Good job, Janie.

    1. Thank you, Cherdo. You're a lovely friend to me, and to Shady. I don't share everything--just enough.

  16. Hi Janie, words are oh so bloody powerful and so many don't know how powerful. Life is hard but if we don't give up and keep struggling up that bloody hill called life we will feel so much better as after each steep part there is a place to stop and take stock before moving on

    1. Absolutely, Jo-Anne. My life keeps getting better, but it's because I didn't give up. There are some things other people cannot do for us.

  17. I'm no fan of divorce, but I don't think abuse of any kind should be tolerated. Marriage is a partnership of equality and is most successful when seen as such.

    Glad to hear that you backed off from complaining about your situation in order to start finding solutions. Unless we fix the problems those problems will stay with us and fester into something deeper and worse that becomes generational if not stopped.

    Wrote By Rote

    1. I still complain sometimes, but I'm trying to focus more on the good parts of life.

  18. Wonderful post. I believe there's a lot of truth in the 'help others and you help yourself'. It just takes some internal pushing to get out there and do it :)

    1. My blogger friends have helped me so much. I hope I've been at least half as kind to them as they've been to me.

  19. Wow! This was a very powerful post. Thank you for speaking out and sharing your story with us, Janie. You are incredibly strong and brave. High five and cheers to five years! :D

    1. Thank you. I hope other people who suffer from depression or abuse or whatever will see that we have hope for the future.

  20. Wow! This was a very powerful post. Thank you for speaking out and sharing your story with us, Janie. You are incredibly strong and brave. High five and cheers to five years! :D

    1. It's such a good comment you wanted to say it twice!

  21. Janie, Janie, are so wonderful! Brave, strong, intelligent and such a bee-you-tee-ful writer!!

    Words are indeed extremely powerful....and you are using yours for 'good'. Go girl!!!

    Such a pity that sometimes parents utter the most belittling words to their children. No excuse for it really.

    I remember my father telling me (in my 30's when I decided to better educate myself) that I would never be able to cope with tertiary study!

    Well, when I was awarded with First Class Honours in Law, received the 2nd highest grade in Law School and won numerous law prizes for topping various law subjects I can't tell you how much I enjoyed his congratulations. I used his unkind words as a 'motivator'....and wow, did they work!!!!!!!!!

    Until then, I had always considered myself 'stupid' because my father had repeatedly told me I was stupid!! Yes, words are indeed powerful....let's always use ours for good!

    Take care dear Janie.



    1. I'm so sorry your dad told you that you were stupid, but I'm so proud of you for using it to your advantage. I wish my mom had lived long enough to see me work as a newspaper reporter and as a caregiver in a nursing home--both high pressure jobs.

  22. It's wonderful to get to know the Junebug better. Thanks for pouring your heart out here, JJ, and thank you for hosting her, Shady Dell. Junie I'm going to let me book speak to how much I can relate to your story (despite not having been physically abused, and I certainly would never minimize that), and how much I'm roaring with you! I feel like giving you a hug, so consider this a virtual ((hug)). We shall overcome!

    1. I'm excited about your book. I think a lot of people can relate to my story. It's good that we share our stories, but it would be even better if we had nothing but happy stories to share.

  23. Thank you for speaking out. There are far too many of us in the same situation. And I am so inspired that you not only got out and made a better life for yourself, but that you mentor other women as well.

    1. I'm very proud to have edited your lovely book.

  24. Kathleen Mae SchneiderJuly 29, 2015 at 4:04 AM

    I have a few more thoughts about the topics you broached in your post, Janie. Both seem obvious ironies to me.

    One concerns spousal abuse, but from the other gender. It's almost incomprehensible to have known at least two instances of women who abused their husbands.

    In the first, a woman who appeared to be shy and delicate to a wonderful man when she married him, turned into a raging harpy years down the road. She belittled and humiliated her husband in front of family and strangers alike, and after 50 plus years, it was obvious his spirit had been broken. He had no power in the relationship, no acceptance and encouragement by his wife of his many gifts and interests. Eventually, to those of us who knew him well, his original personality appeared gone, replaced by a shadow of his former robust and capable self.

    In the second instance, a disabled elderly woman did the same thing to her husband who cared for her 24/7 for years, his kindness repaid with name-calling, blame, and unrelenting negativity. We all wondered what kept these men in such purgatory. In the end, perhaps it was not so much love as it was inertia.

    So go figure! After the hard-won victories of woman's rights (with many more certainly to go!), and the focus on the sometimes institutionalized abuse that womankind has endured down through the centuries, these two women turned around and became abusive to their men.

    Although the abuse was verbal and psychological, it's end result was the same - diminished hearts and souls - lives limited by misunderstanding, harsh words, and unreasonable, uncompromising control as if they were puppets.

    In both situations, those who were victims of the abuse sadly internalized the voices of their abusers and believed that they were responsible for their miserable situation, keeping them trapped there.

    Another irony is evident in the extremely conservative part of the country in which I live. The same devout religious people who want to curtail reproductive rights of women are the very same ones who push to cut spending for early childhood education and nutrition. How is it that children are considered precious while in utero, but not given support once they're born? I really don't get it!

    I feel such sadness for the men, women and children who suffer daily because of the incredible ignorance and lack of compassion of those who exert power over them. (Don't get me started on abuse of children, the elderly and animals...)

    I don't have time to comment on the epidemic of depression and suicide, but I'm certainly qualified. We lost our wonderful son to suicide nine and a half years ago.

    Thanks for providing a platform for these very current and significant issues, Jane.

    1. I am so sorry about your son.

      When people say that all abortions should be illegal, I ask, Then who is going to take care of this child? Who is going to give up his body to have the baby? Who is going to provide the money to raise the child? WHO WILL MAKE A COMMITMENT?

      I don't like abortion. I think it's horrible, but I understand it.

      I have heard of men being abused. It definitely happens. I worked in a nursing home. We became the caregivers to a married couple. They couldn't be in the same room without the woman, who had dementia, attacking her husband, who also had dementia. Their (adult) children insisted that their parents had been fine one day, and the next, they had dementia, she abused him, and were living in filth. It did not occur overnight.

  25. Sweet Janie you are so right about the power of words! Just look at the release they afforded, the doors they have opened - for you! I'm sure the voice you've discovered has helped a great many women realize their own potential and I applaud you for sharing! Write On, Jane!
    Cheers, Mr. Shady, for knowing this post would be a winner! :-)

    1. What a lovely comment. Thank you so much. I took a college class called Women and Literature. The professor told us many times that WORDS ARE POWER. Being deprived of a voice was one of the worst things I endured.

  26. Janie, Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you are becoming more happy as the years go by away from your husband. I've also suffered from depression and I'm in therapy too. Life is good now for me; I've learned to focus my mind on the positive and run from negative thoughts like they were the plague! It has taken lots of practice, but it does work. Writing down my bad feelings and throwing the paper in the garbage helps too. May God bless you on the rest of your life journey.

    1. Thank you, Belle, for your beautiful comment. My blog is my therapy. There were times during the first year that I wrote posts two or three times during the same day. It kept me going.

  27. Every time I doubt that women are undervalued, along comes some cretin who treats the ladies as if they are objects. Columns like this keep awareness going. As for me? I'd be lost without Mrs. Penwasser.
    And no, it's not because she's the one with the GPS.

    1. Here we are in 2015, and women in the U.S. still earn 76 cents for every dollar a man earns. We are still harassed, and plagued by abuse and deprivation. When I was a newspaper reporter and used a telephone headset for interviews so my hands were free, my editor told me that every time she looked at me she thought of the "dyke bitch" who had wanted the headset in the first place. It made me sick. I never wanted to work there again. A lot of women also suffer from self-hatred of their own gender.

  28. Thank you for sharing your story! Women are not just eye candy and maids. We are so much more. I'm glad you got out of that abusive relationship. You're much stronger on your own!

    1. Thank you, Sherry. You are a great role model for women.

  29. That some ecards got me laughing. I was talking to my friend yesterday and we were kidding around saying we're tired of working and we just want to be housewives now.

    1. Because housewives drink beer and watch soap operas.

  30. That was an incredibly powerful story, Janie. So glad you got out of that marriage. Hopefully that scumbag got what's coming to him for raising his hand to you, let alone the verbal abuse. It is so sad that some men manifest their insecurities into aggression.

    1. He remarried. I cannot get married, or I lose my maintenance. Since women are usually the ones who need and deserve maintenance, not allowing us to marry is another way for the patriarchy to control us. We weren't even divorced yet when he started asking other women to marry him. I will feel sorry for his wife if he has another psychotic break. He is very sick and will not take his medication.

  31. Janie a powerful story. You overcame a lot thanks for sharing. Congrats on being a guest writer and adding another terrific post at the Shady Del.

    1. Thank you for joining us. Tom is such a good friend to so many people.

  32. This was an interesting post and I find that I read and re-read it and of course agree with many of the thoughts and comments. Working in a hospital has let me see the many horrible sides of domestic violence against woman and children and even men on a few occasions. My sister was in an abusive marriage and I celebrated with her when she finally was able to get out. It took her a long time because she was afraid that she couldn't support herself and her 4 kids. She also kept many things secret from us but I knew there was trouble for a long time and she acknowledged that I was the only one who really knew what was going on and was grateful for my support. But survive she did and she went on to raise her wonderful kids. When reading this I had to think where I fall in the world of women. I have had a wonderful marriage to a man who supports me in all I do and I also would consider myself a conservative and a religious person. (maybe not the "Bible Thumper")The traditional role of the "Mom" and "Wife" who makes dinner every night and takes care of the kiddos is me but I also work and have always worked in a demanding profession and my hubby takes on his fair share of the household duties...I haven't done laundry for almost 40yrs! We share and divide and cheer each other on. I know that is not the way in many cases but I chose many years ago not to let somebody else decide my fate or push me around. I say this only to show that there are always two sides to every story. I'm glad that I have a happy ending...but I support and encourage anyone who is suffering in an abusive relationship to find help and get out. In our little small town we have many resources to help women and children and families to do just that. Look for these places and organizations and give generously in money or time to do your part to help aid and assist. Good luck to all and thanks for letting me say my part and thanks for sharing your story.

    1. Thanks for your comment. For many years I pretended everything was wonderful because I was embarrassed by what was happening. I wish I had gotten out many years ago, but I'm grateful to have my children.

  33. Your story is so inspiring, Janie! Thank you for offering hope to women in similar situations. Powerful words, indeed! Thanks also to Tom for bringing the issue to light with Jerilyn's story and for hosting your insightful post.

  34. Your story is so inspiring, Janie! Thank you for offering hope to women in similar situations. Powerful words, indeed! Thanks also to Tom for bringing the issue to light with Jerilyn's story and for hosting your insightful post.

    1. Your comment is even better the second time around.

  35. Thank you, dear Janie Junebug, for submitting this important and well written guest post and for presiding over Shady Dell Music & Memories in my absence.

    The response was gratifying. More individuals commented on this post than on any other in the seven year history of the blog. I want to thank all of the people who took time to read Janie's post and join in the discussion. Janie and I greatly appreciate your comments!

    I'll be back with a new post tomorrow. Thank you again, Janie, and thank you, my dear friends!

    1. I'm honored, Tom. Thank you for this opportunity to tell my story and to stand up for women. I also have something important to add: DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU HEAR ABOUT PLANNED PARENTHOOD! The conservatives are taking casual policy conversations out of context, and in some cases, telling outright lies. I've even seen the story that parts of fetuses are used in cosmetics! Ridiculous! Women need Planned Parenthood.



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