Drive, Brian! I’ve fallen madly in love with Jackie Burkhart, the sassy, high maintenance vixen on That ‘70s Show. According to TMZ she’s signing autographs today at the mall. You’re going to take me there to meet her, so PUNCH IT, BABY!
Oh, Jackie! Those eyes! Those lips! That hair!
wonder you were crowned Snow Queen runner-up!
Jackie’s vulnerable right now, Brian. She kicked Kelso to the curb and she and Hyde can’t stand each other. Now’s the time for me to make my move before Fez enters the picture.
Jackie’s a material girl, Brian.
You know the type. She drives me wild with her pouty, peevish attitude and her selfish, spoiled brat behavior!
That’s where you come in, Brian.
I’m going to give you to Jackie as a gift so that she can carry you around in her designer doggie bag and have a whole vanity status rich pampered debutante prima donna Paris Hilton kind of thing going on! Follow?
I know you'll miss me blind, Brian, but think about the greater good - you'll be making Stewie happy! Jackie will be so impressed by my generosity that before you know it her name will be Jackie Griffin and we'll be sharing a crib!
I’m certain that Jackie will know me the moment we approach her kiosk at
Cheese Paradise. I already sent her a picture.
Stewie, I’m feeling you, but the owls are not what they seem. Do you know what I mean by that?
Using a dated Twin Peaks reference on me at a time like this, Brian?
Actually, it’s SPECIAL Agent Cooper, Audrey. Come back to my room and I'll show you my giant.
Look, Stewie, I hate to burst your bubble, but you and Jackie are all wrong for each other!
You’re jealous, you mangy mutt! You simply can’t stand the fact that I’m an adorable, precocious one year old who never gets a day older and that
I have this positively uncanny ability to nail Rex Harrison's English accent! Now every night before you get into bed, where you used to say your prayers, I want you to say "The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain" fifty times!
you don't understand. You're making a big mistake and you gotta know the truth.
Jackie is Meg.
Do you mean Megan Fox???
Oh, I KNEW KNEW KNEW there was a resemblance! Come to think of it,
I never once saw Megan and Jackie
in the same room at the same time!
No! No, Stewie, lookit.....
I really hate to break it to ya but Jackie is Meg.....your SISTER.
LIAR! LIAR! PANTS ON FIRE! Oh, I hate you, Brian! Go straight to the pound. Do not pass "go"...do not collect $200!
Now I'm going to stand on my head and hold my breath till I turn blue!
It’s true, Stewie. Jackie Burkhart isn't real. She's a character
that I play on TV.
You wouldn't believe what they can
do nowadays with a little pancake, some mascara and a soft-focus lens. Ever hear of Black Swan? It's all
smoke and mirrors, kiddo.
I'm pretty sure he's already moved, Meg. Time for a diaper change.
Happy April Fools' Day!